Sweetest T

OOPS

2011-04-21T06:29:00.002-05:00

apparently I wasn't kidding about once a year. So, its time for my yearly review. JC is now 5 and will start school in the fall -does the snoopy dance-, Danye is 15 going on 10. yeah thats not a typo, I swear every year she digresses more and more. Someday's I want to scream, others I want to bury my head in the sand or at least back under my pillow. There are those occasional moments of bliss where the two of them are actually getting along AND have their chores done -gasps- yeah, doesn't happen often enough, least not for me.

Hmm, what else....oh I wrecked the dragon -pause for a moment of silence- totaled would be a more apt description and even though he wouldn't say it out loud I know my brother is completely disappointed. But more glad that the kids and I came out alright. My father, whom was absent the majority of my growing up years has stepped up and will be handing over keys to his truck this weekend -crosses fingers, toes, hands, arms, legs, eyes...etc.- as long as nothing goes wrong and he can get this other truck he wants to modify.

So the guy last year from England turns out to be a complete loser. Wow, who knew? I'm a complete bum magnet. Well hopefully not completely. Yes, there is someone else. I won't name names or go into great detail except to say that he is a decent guy and my sister likes him. What better reference do I need?

So I think thats all for now, I will do my very best to post again soonish.

New Year (a little late)

2010-02-23T22:51:00.004-06:00

this post is mostly for my mother, who has haunted me about posting since i haven't done so since.....yeah last year. Hhmmm, well i'm alive, the kids are alive for now. JC just turned four in January and according to all the potty websites that say when he comes and tells me he's wet or stinky, its time to potty train right? right?? These people obviously have never met my son. yes he comes and tells me he's wet or stinky, "mom i wet or mom i stink" great how about we go sit on the potty, quickly followed by a screaming NO and covering his ears. mmkay, what now potty experts??

and then there's the teenager, my beautiful almost 14 year old daughter. i love her, i really do, with all my heart.....but some days.....she would test the patience of a saint. which is why for every weekend for the next 12 weeks little miss i am too big for my smart mouth and sticky fingers will be going to young marines boot camp. my mother, who by the way IS a saint, has agreed to give up her Saturday mornings and Sunday evenings to take her since the dragon has decided to find something else wrong that i don't have the money to fix.

on a brighter note at least for me, i've been talking to someone new. over the internet......~pause for the freak-outs~ Yes, i do understand there are crazy people in this world and most of them own computers and pay for internet service. THAT being said, He is a very nice man, has a job, treats me like a princess and i haven't managed to scare him off with my life's craziness. He lives in England which thrills my sister but bums me out since i have no clue when we will actually get to meet but i have patience....somewhere, i'm sure i can find it. Until then we talk on yahoo and IMVU.

Guess thats it for now.....until next year, lol. just kidding mom.

2009

2009-01-01T12:25:00.002-06:00

Well, here we are...another year come and gone. I've been through so much this past year and I didn't get to blog about enough of it. No resolutions for me though, I can never keep them. So instead I am just going to try to do better this year than I did last year. I want to be a better mother, a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, just a better person. I want to try and be healthier, my mother was diagnosed with diabetes earlier last year and it got me to thinking I'm not getting any younger and I'm certainly not getting any thinner. One thing that has truly helped me was my younger brother and his fiancee bought me and the kids a Wii for Christmas and we have actually gotten off the couch and the computer and played games that require you to stand and move and I've felt better the past week than I have in the past few years. A warning for anyone that's never played, it's addicting and I was sore for a few days, lol. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year, God Bless you all and I love you.

My life is a roller coaster.....

2008-11-11T10:58:00.005-06:00

and I think I've used that title before. I turned 36 years old on the 4th of this month and I feel like I'm twice that. As noted in my profile I have 2 of the most beautiful children in the world, however they are not without challenges. They were both premature and in the NICU for a couple of months. My oldest is a girl, she's 12 going on 30. A few years ago she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, on top of already being diagnosed with ADHD & OCD. About 2 weeks ago her doctor and I decided to admit her into the local psychiatric hospital because she was showing signs of a manic episode. For anyone not familiar with bipolar disorder-a bipolar manic episode. It turns out she was outgrowing her meds because she grew about 6 inches and hit puberty all within the same couple of months. Puberty alone is pretty scary for a 12 year old to deal with, not to mention the rest of the family and throw the rest of it in the pot and it's......well a roller coaster from hell.

My son is 2 and did not understand why sissy was gone for almost 2 weeks. He wandered around the house calling her name and knocking on her door. It broke my heart and all I could think to tell him was she was in therapy. It was much worse when we went to the hospital during visiting hours. He didn't understand why she couldn't come home with us. Again my heart was breaking. She got to come home yesterday and we were all very happy, especially her little brother.

Sigh She tagged me AGAIN!

2008-02-25T19:42:00.012-06:00

I love my sister, which is why I'm doing this meme. :P

Instructions: For each of the following, search Google Images and post your favorite pic.

1. Where I grew up:

We lived in either Shreveport or Bossier City and this is a photo of the bridge that connects the two cities. This is actually a much better picture than the actual bridge because now half of those neon lights are out and haven't been replaced.

2. Where I live now:

Not exactly my favorite pic but one of the few I could find on Google. Stonewall is about 30 minutes outside of Shreveport and much, much smaller.

I found this one too:

BUT it's Stonewall, Colorado :P

3. My name is:

My name picked up 2 things more than anything else. This writer who is also a self-proclaimed witch and a gospel singer. Scary huh?

I had to add this one too, it was just funny!

4. My grandmother's name:

This is a photograph from artist Odelle Morshuis. That was my grandma's first name and I liked this photo because it reminded me of my grandma sitting at her table every morning drinking out of her little white tea cup. And I like the artist because (Sis, you'll love this) She's from New Zealand!

This one is for me, also named Odelle and anyone who knows me will get this:

5. My favorite food:

I have more but only so much room and since I picked 2 pics for almost all the other ones, I thought I would keep it down this time.

6. My favorite drink:

I'm drinking this now and I like plain Dr. P and will probably have to go back to it because if you notice in the pic it clearly tells you "Limited Edition" :P

7. My favorite smell:

For anyone who doesn't know me, thats Rob Thomas, lead singer of Matchbox Twenty and solo artist. I've never really smelled him but he just looks yummy, I thought seriously about putting him under #5 :P

And I'm tagging anyone reading this that hasn't done it yet!

A Lick Of Frost

2007-09-07T09:12:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite authors is releasing a book on October 23. This is in her Merry Gentry series. I first started reading her Anita Blake series and become an instant fan. If you haven't read any of Laurell K Hamilton's work, may I suggest you run, don't walk to your nearest library or bookstore.

LEMMING! (read: standing up for princess)

2007-08-27T21:48:00.000-05:00

WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE.

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WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE.

WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE WINGS N MORE.

It's a long story, but for those of you in the know please feel free to post a similar blog and stand up, stand up I say for our Princess Ladybug!

From one humble royal court attendee.

The Crooked 8

2007-07-07T22:21:00.000-05:00

I love my sister, I really do. She tagged me again and she never tags me with the easy cheesy memes. She tags me with the ones that actually take some thought.

So here it is...8 random things about me and/or my life:

1. When I was about 23 my doctor told me I couldn't have children. I now have a beautiful girl and a handsome little boy. Doctor's don't know everything!

2. I have a box of things in my closet from my wedding even though my marriage is over, not because I reminisce about the marriage but about the time and people that helped me make all those lovely things.

3. I am allergic to just about everything that flies and has a stinger. I had to leave church once and head to the emergency room when a lone honey bee somehow made its way in and of all the people in the sanctuary, it stung me.

4. Chinese food is my favorite kind of food. If its really really good, I could eat it everyday.

5. I just realized I don't think I'm random enough.

6. My sister won tickets to see Barenaked Ladies in New Orleans, she was great enough to take me. It was......an experience I will never forget. A few things I'll name, pedestrians believe they have the right of way whether they are sober or drunk and the pedestrians are everywhere because you can drive anywhere but there are not enough parking spaces and the jackass in front of you just got the last one, there was a cab company called yellow cab BUT the cabs were orange and the weekend we were there was St. Patrick's Day as if anyone in New Orleans needed another reason to drink and as we were leaving 3 days later ON A HIGHWAY in the lane next to us is a float with people on it AND it passed us!

7. I was younger than my eleven year old daughter when I learned how to cook and I was about her age when I started making the dressing for Thanksgiving because no one else wanted to. Not to pat myself on the back but its so good now I get requests for it from people at my church every year and all of my friends and relatives. Even the ones who don't like dressing.

8. And last but certainly not least and this sort of goes back to number 1, both of my kids were premature. I only carried Danyelle for 6 1/2 months and JC for 5 1/2 months. My doctor told me if I had another one it would more than likely I would only carry to 4 1/2 months and suggested I have my tubes tied. They may not know everything but I listened and took their advice that time.

Renewal

2007-04-13T10:31:00.000-05:00

There were times I thought it would never come
This feeling again
So long to go without being with someone and
This feeling again
Its hard to hide butterflies inside with
This feeling again
Wracked with fear it will disappear
This feeling again
Hoping someday you will share with me
This feeling again

TDS 4-13-07

Thank you Sis!

TROUBLE! with a capital T

2007-03-22T14:56:00.000-05:00

Those of you that know me and have read my blog know that I have 2 beautiful children. An eleven year old daughter (going on 30) and a 14 month old boy. My son spent the first 2 months of his life in the NICU, being almost 3 months premature. My daughter was almost 2 months premature, so the trips to the hospital, the scrubbing up to my elbows till I didn't have any skin left and the doctors all telling me what all would be wrong with my gorgeous little boy was nothing new. Mind you, I wasn't all blase about it. He was after all a month earlier than his sister. On April 2, he will 15 months old. He can see, he can hear, he can talk (not just baby jibberish either) and in the past two weeks his doing his darndest to walk. So far, the most he's taken is about 6 or 7 steps. I was in the kitchen cleaning the other day and I looked up to find him climbing on the couch. At first I didn't think anything of it, honestly I didn't think he would be able to make it. A few minutes later, I looked up to find this:

My first thought was "OMG! he's going to fall." (I know it's not the greatest picture so in case you can't tell thats the back of the couch he's standing on) Followed very closely by, I need a picture of this, because no one is going to believe me except maybe my mom. When my daughter was 4 my mom walked in her room to find her on top of her dresser LEAPING onto her bed. When I told her about this incident, the first thing she said - at least Danye waited till she was 4. Oh yeah, thanks mom! So no more losing myself in a book or the internet. I have to keep a close eye on Spidey Jr. there.

I think I was wrong!

2007-02-18T10:04:00.000-06:00

Yeah I know, some of you that know me well must be amazed that I am actually admitting to being wrong. But I am not exactly sure yet. I guess I should explain, lol. I wrote a blog a while back about not being able to go back to a relationship. I think I was wrong, I hope I am wrong. I had a very interesting experience this last week. I have not been able to go anywhere because my POS van decided to die on me. Which means I haven't been able to even go to church. Ok, sorry I'm on a tangent...ANYWAY...a few days ago my mom called and said someone had been to the church looking for me. ME?!? Who would be looking for me? Am I in trouble? Oh no, they found out! LOL, just kidding. Maybe. :P Sorry tangent again. So, mom can't remember the guys name (yes I said guy) so she tells me what she can remember about him and who he would sit with at church when he visited. Well, I knew exactly who she was talking about. Wow, talk about blast from the past. Before he started visiting the church I've been a member of for about 4 years, we dated YEARS ago, I mean like more than 10 years ago. He left his number at the church for me. The lady he left it with is a very good friend of my moms so she called my mom and gave her the number and mom called me and I wrote it down. Where I looked at it on my desk for about 3 days. Should I call him? I wonder what he wants? Why shouldn't I call him? Why should I? Yeah, I 'll call him, tomorrow. No, I don't need a man in my life. I don't need that aggravation. I've been there, done that. With him even! But......the biggest difference is, he was good to me. Very good to me. Why did I let him go you ask? Two words, Young and Stupid! He asked me to marry him and I freaked out and broke it off. Now all these years later, he hunts me down and wants to talk to me. So, I called him.......and we talked and he came over and we talked. He said all these beautiful things to me. He said he wants to take me out on a date, a REAL date. I remember he used to spoil me, buying me things I wanted, things I didn't need. He would tell me he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. *sigh* Man, I was stupid! Is this a second chance? Who knows, I guess I'll find out. He said he would call me today. He never lied to me before, so I guess I should expect a call.

So I guess my question is, Can you really go back?
Maybe.

Favorite Christmas Memory

2006-12-11T20:37:00.000-06:00

Ok, I've been challenged by my sister who was challenged by a friend to post my favorite Christmas memory. I'm actually posting two, the first one was my daughter's first Christmas posted on her website, actually the website my sister made for her. This memory will actually be from when I was little. I'm sure after this Christmas, my son's first, I will have another favorite memory. :-)

When I was little, my brother and my two cousins and I spent every summer with my grandma and grandpa. Summer??? I thought this was a Christmas memory? Hang with me, I'm getting there. Anyway, every summer we spent out there and occasionally we would go back out to their house in the country for Christmas. A real old fashioned Christmas, with a great big spread on the table, stockings that were actually hung by the chimney with care, always filled with candy, fruit and nuts. A great big beautiful "real" tree that my grandpa had cut down and brought home, decorated with all of our homemade ornaments and popcorn on a string and candy canes and grandma's golden star that always sat on top. We took turns getting to put it on top of the tree, my grandpa would pick us up high enough to gently put it in its place. Then we would sit around the tree and grandma would tell us the story of baby Jesus and the nativity. Then she would unpack the nativity set that she crocheted and we would all take a part of it and set it up on a small table next to the tree. My very favorite Christmas was when the whole family got together at grandma's, this wasn't always possible for some reason or another, my aunt was an LPN which meant she usually had to work, my dad was a truck driver and also had to work or was stuck out on the road. Other family members were the same, usually having to work or couldn't get out of town. But that one Christmas, mom, dad, my uncle, my aunt, my cousins, my grandma and grandpa and I'm sure there were more there all to celebrate Christmas together. After the nativity was put out, we would turn on the TV and watch Santa's trek across the country. Sometimes we would even get to bundle up and go outside before midnight and see if we could spot Rudolph's red nose. Always before midnight though we would have to be in bed a fast asleep or Santa wouldn't stop at grandma's house. Christmas morning always brought the most wonderful smells, those smells that only come around once a year. Gingerbread, peppermint, hot chocolate, ham or roast deer, dressing, cakes and cookies all rolled together. Remembering those times is bittersweet to me now, both of my grandparents, my aunt and uncle have passed on from this life on earth. Now I try to have as many family members as possible come over and celebrate my favorite holiday of the year so we can make new memories. Merry Christmas everyone, I hope yours will be as filled with love and family and friends as mine most definitely will be.

Roller Coaster........of Love?

2006-12-05T18:57:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is my anniversary. I will have been married to him for nine years and in love with him for much longer than that. However this is not the happy occasion it should be. As I write this he is living in another state with another woman. So why are we still married you ask? Very good question and I don't have the answer. My situation did however get my creative juices flowing, to the delight of my sister and I cranked out another poem. Short and to the point.

numbers

nine years ago
our hearts intertwined
twenty witnesses
our perfect day
two vows
our life together
one broken heart
our separate ways we've gone

Part of me hopes he reads this and part of me hopes he doesn't. For the last nine months I have been on a roller coaster relationship ride from hell. As much as I want the ride to stop and get off, I now know that part of me will always be on it, no matter how hard I try to forget. There have been things said and things done that really bother me, which leads me to believe that I still care even though I deny it. And I'm afraid there is a small part of me that still loves and always will.

Birthday!

2006-11-10T18:12:00.000-06:00

Ok, I recently had another birthday. 34th for those of you counting. :P
I tried to pass this day off as any other day. KEEP MOVING PEOPLE, nothing to see here, nothing to see. Unfortunately I have friends and family with other ideas. I got a bouquet of flowers and a cake from a very good friend of mine, a card and $60 from my father and my mom and dad serenaded me that morning. My sister, who even lives in another state than me, got in on the action. She of course had to trump everyone with her 'present'. I love her and I love what she wrote for me, so please go check it out. Happy Belated Birthday, Tammy! While you are there, you should also read her other stuff...she's talented in a way I only wish I could be. Thank you again, Sis. Much love to you.

2nd Word!

2006-10-04T08:46:00.000-05:00

My boy is a genius, genius I tell you. He conquered his first word and is working on his second. Right now it sounds kind of like 'Bampa' which in English I hope will soon translate to Grandpa. My dad is JC's buddy. He has this huge recliner and they sit in it everyday and just chill out. My dad plays his handheld game and JC plays with his toys with an occasional nap thrown in. And just so she doesn't feel left out of anything for his third word we are going to try for sissy. I don't think that one will give him any problem considering everytime he sees her, his little face lights up like a Christmas tree. And when she sings to him, it's like magic. He's hardly ever quiet now, but when she sings to him its like he's in a trance. And everyone was so worried she would resent him. I love my kids, have I mentioned that lately?

My first poem

2006-09-16T13:27:00.000-05:00

I was in the shower today and had some thoughts and feelings running around my head and my sister said if she doesn't write those things down they haunt her and drive her crazy. I didn't want that, so I wrote them down and sent them to her for an opinion because not only is she my sister and I value her opinion, she writes poetry among other things and I think she's great at it. Anyway, she liked it and suggested I post it......so here goes and I would appreciate any and all comments, good, bad or indifferent. Thank you.

The Key

I made a key once
a long time ago
one of a kind
unique and special
no other key like it in the world
and there will never be another

I gave this key away
a long time ago
to a person
unique and special
no other person like him in the world
and there will never be another

He took this key away
a long time ago
and tore my soul apart
so I made a new key
and I changed the locks
the key you have
will no longer work
in this, my heart

First Word???

2006-09-15T23:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm not sure when your children actually start talking or learn to talk. The so-called experts have their opinions, all of your friends who have children have their opinion and of course your parents have theirs. My son, JC is 8 months old and for a while now has been babbling, most of it consist of babababa, nananana, dadadada, yayayaya, mamamama, papapapa, lalalala and so on. I've been, of course trying to get him to say Momma and my mother was before she went on vacation. She came home on Thursday and the first night they were back we all went over to their house to welcome them home. Sitting around the table, my mom's holding him and still trying to get him to say Momma. At one point everyone at the table was quiet and he said it, Mmmmmoooommmmaaaaaaaaaaa! NOT mamamama, he really and truly said Momma. Everyone heard him, so I do have witnesses, lol. And ever since that night he's said it quite a few times and whenever anyone says Momma or where's Momma to him he looks around for me. How cool is that?

Bathroom Hell(p)

2006-09-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my kids. Having said that I'm not real sure my beautiful 10 year-old daughter feels the same about me anymore. She comes to me after school and tells me she wants to clean up around the house. I'm thinking great, why not start with your room, maybe a few loads of clothes or take out the trash? She's stopped asking to clean the kitchen, I'm very, VERY anul about my kitchen. The whole house could be a wreck but my kitchen is clean. Anyway back to her "cleaning", she wanted to start in my bathroom because she said it was the worst (as if it could be worse than her room). I honestly do not remember what the hell I was doing at the time because she managed to find something under the kitchen sink that she thought was for cleaning silver. Ok, remember she's ten so anything remotely silver was "cleaned". She even took down my towel bar, cleaned it and left it on the counter. Later when I asked her why she took it down and didn't put it back up, she told me it was because it needed new screws (my first thought was no sweetie, the towel bar doesn't), What's wrong with the old ones? They were dirty, I couldn't get them clean. Dirty? Nevermind, forget I asked. And the stuff she found under the sink to "clean" with, Slick Silicone Lubricant! Now since she has sprayed this on every metal object in the bathroom, it's everywhere, including the floor. I have to mop now because if I don't walk slowly in there I'll end up on my rearend. And please don't let me step on a towel or piece of clothing on the floor or I'm skating! So my towel bar AND the towel are on the counter and my bathroom floor is an ice rink. Thanks sweetie, Momma loves you.

New Car

2006-09-02T13:39:00.000-05:00

Hey I bought my 8 month old son a new Jeep yesterday. Tell me what ya'll think?

Really officer I wasn't speeding!

She's a Mrs. now.

2006-08-30T00:36:00.000-05:00

Well, my best friend has finally done it. The wedding was beautiful. Of course the few days before were an absolute nightmare. Anything that could have gone wrong did. Everything from not having enough money for some of the extra things she really wanted in the wedding to taking the dresses back to the shop were we bought them to have them steamed only to have them tell us it will take two weeks. Ummmm, two days before the wedding I called and they said it would take ten minutes so we took them in the day before the wedding. Made sense to me, how about you??? It all worked out though, I think I may have actually scared the assistant manager when she told us how long it was going to take. My friend said it looked as though I had bowed up and grew to ten feet tall. I only wanted her to have a wonderful day. Your wedding day should be a most wonderful day for any woman. So anyway, she did have a photographer along with all the kids walking around with disposable cameras. Not sure which ones will turn out better because this was only the second wedding the lady had done. I'll try to pick out some good ones and post them on my Flickr account. So I'll put up another post when I do that. Thanks for reading! :)

I'm sorry doc, did you say ear infection?

2006-08-13T21:12:00.000-05:00

First of all, I do know it has been almost a month since I've posted. I was busy with school starting I had to buy uniforms and school supplies for my daughter. Then about 3 weeks ago my right ear started popping and later that day it felt like I had cotton stuck in it and I couldn't hear out of it. The next day the pain started and then my left ear started popping and not hearing. Lovely, especially with two kids and one of them not able to do anything for himself. The pain got worse so I called my brother and asked if he could take me to the emergency room. It had gotten so bad I had trouble walking across the room. The doc takes one look in my ear and says, "Oh my God!". Seriously not something you ever want to hear a doctor say when he has an instrument stuck in any part of your body. So, he steps around me and checks the other ear then he steps back and tells me I have not one but two ear infections. A weeks worth of Penicillin VK and Lortab later and the pain is bearable but the hearing had not come back. This time I go to my regular doctor. My favorite part is when he looks in my ear and says exactly the same thing the ER doc said, "Oh my God". Great, I take it the infection is still there? Yup, here's a better antibiotic and come back in a week. A week later no pain, but still no hearing. Which is absolutely getting on mine and my daughters last nerve. I can't hear her or the baby, so she has to yell in my ear to tell me anything and I have to keep my son near enough to me to know if he's crying. Back to the doctor and he says I have pus built up behind my eardrum, yummy. Here's two better antibiotics and come back in a week, if it's not gone by then we'll send you to the ENT and they'll have to drain it. Oh yeah that sound like fun, where do I sign up? I can hear a little better today but the pain has returned along with a constant ringing. I go back to the doc Thursday and I really don't want to have to go to the ENT. I don't think I've had an ear infection since I was in elementary school, guess I'm just trying to make up for that. :P

Prayer Works

2006-07-16T05:26:00.000-05:00

My best friends mother is doing great. She came through the surgery just fine and all her tests came back negative for any more cancer cells. She will of course have to have regular screenings, since it is very possible it could come back. But hopefully everyone will keep her in prayers and it will stay away. Thank you all again.

Bridesmaid Update

2006-07-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

Well, I won't be dressing up this month. My best friend that was going to get married has had to postpone her wedding. She just recently found out her mother has ovarian cancer and the doctors want to perform the necessary hysterectomy the day before my friend had originally planned to get married. Life really sucks sometimes. Prayers would be greatly appreciated. As for the wedding it's put off till August 26th. Which is actually very ok with me, I just got my dress in and I would like to get a few alterations before the big day. Thank you everyone for caring.

Six Months

2006-07-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

My son turned six months old today. A great big accomplishment for someone that shouldn't even be here. Actually, neither one of my kids should be here...doctors don't always know everything. Somedays I just wonder how God could have trusted me with raising these two beautiful miracles. Well I suppose when I get to Heaven, I'll have to ask him.

Roll over, good boy!

2006-06-17T22:49:00.000-05:00

I know that must sound like I'm talking to a dog but I couldn't think of a more appropriate title for this blog. My son, my five and a half month old little boy rolled over from his tummy to his back by himself today. I know some of you might think he's behind but what you may not know unless you've read my Yahoo 360 blog, was that he was born 3 months premature. So technically his adjusted age as the doctors call it, is only 2 1/2 months old. Which means of course that he is right on schedule. It scared my poor baby the first time he did it, so I picked him up and soothed him a bit and then put him back down to see if he could do it again. It took longer this time because at first it seemed like he was scared to move at all but then he started giggling and kicking and soon enough rolled over again and wasn't near as scared the second time. Before he got tired he managed to roll about 6 times. My daughter Danyelle will tell you it was more like 10 but I think she 'helped' him a couple of those times.

You can't go back

2006-06-16T05:07:00.000-05:00

I was just reading the latest blog post from one of my favorite authors and realized how absolutely right she is. As much as I wanted to, you can't go back....there's too much pain and hurt, too much time and distance, too many obstacles and things said you can't take back and even if you could go back it wouldn't be the same. Mostly I guess I am mad at myself for wasting these last few months even trying. I sincerely hope and pray that the other two people involved are reading this because you should know that this is me forever and completely ending the relationship or any hope for it.

Princess Ladybug

2006-06-12T21:31:00.000-05:00

Most of you that read my blog know that Princess is my sister. I didn't know her my whole life and we didn't grow up together, we never even met until I was in my early teens. Confused? Well technically she's my step-sister but I don't think I've ever used that term when it comes to her. I love her as if we are truly blood related. So, right now it's killing me that I can't be with her when she needs her loved ones the most. You see, she had surgery Thursday and there were complications but she's doing better now. She's still in the hospital which I know is absolutely driving her mad. My mom is there with her which is very comforting to me but I still wish I could be there too. She's been there for me through some very tough times and I only wish I could return the favor. Unfortunately my children limit my money and travel. Those of you with children I'm sure can understand that. So, I guess I'm just venting for now and also hope that those of you reading this will just say a little prayer for my only sister. Thank you.

Kids say the darndest things....

2006-06-01T04:39:00.000-05:00

My ten year old daughter never ceases to amaze me. Some days I have to take her with a grain of salt, she has ADHD and can dance on my last nerve with just the right steps until I'm ready to pack all her things and move her in with her Uncle Mike (whom she adores by the way....I swear she thinks he hung the moon and did it just for her, of course). Other times I have to stop and thank God for putting this beautiful miracle in my life and reminding me just how precious she is. Yesterday was Wednesday and for us that means evening services at our church and on Wednesday nights before our preacher brings the message we go over prayer requests. Last night I found out that one of our church members is in the hospital with what they think is a heart attack or stroke. Normally I would just right down this persons name with the rest of the requests and pray for them, usually without a second thought.....and I know that must sound like I really don't care that much but I do, trust me. It's just that some of the people on our list have been on there forever, mostly because we have quite a few elderly members. But this man that now lays in the hospital is about my age AND just happens to be the man that my daughter likes to sit with every Sunday Morning. During all of our services unless we are having a special, the church offers some type of class for the children. So during our prayer request time, Danyelle was in her class and did not find out about her Sunday morning friend until after services, on our way out to eat my mother and I tell her he's in the hospital because something maybe wrong with his heart. Without a second thought and not realizing what it would mean for her, she turns to my mom and says, "Could I give him my heart?"

Whew! It's all good.

2006-05-30T21:06:00.000-05:00

If you've read my profile you know I have two kids, a ten year old daughter, Danyelle and a 4 1/2 month old Boy, JC. I had problems with both pregnancies and they were both premature. I won't go into too much detail right now, if you want to read a little history there is some detail on my Yahoo 360 website blog. Anyway, Danyelle didn't have a lot of physical problems but little JC has had both their shares. Today he had an appointment with the ENT for a hearing test, yeah you read that right a hearing test. Ummm, how in the world do you give a 4 1/2 month old baby who can't even speak a hearing test. Well technology has come a long way and apparently they can stick a sensor in my baby's ear and send sound waves in there and they bounce back a certain way to this handheld computer if he can hear. Pretty neat huh? Yeah, except that he failed both ears twice in the hospital then he failed his right ear in the doctor's office about three weeks ago. Today, after fighting sleep (the test works better when they sleep) for about 20 minutes, he passed both ears. So for the time being everything is good. Although we will have to go back in 6 months for another checkup, because of all the oxygen he received in the NICU and a later trip to the PICU he is still at risk to lose his hearing. I love them both and wouldn't trade them for the world but I am so tired of hospitals and doctors I could scream. So for anyone reading a few good thoughts and prayers would be very welcome. Thanks.

Bridesmaid!?!?!

2006-05-28T00:29:00.000-05:00

I did something today for my best friend that I hope I don't have to repeat for a very long time. Not just for her but for anyone. She's getting married in July and today we tried on dresses and more dresses and then some more dresses. I love to shop just as much as the next girl but bridesmaid dresses were not made with a plus size woman in mind. Everyone that I tried on was strapless, spaghetti straps or halter top. Luckily the one I picked has a shawl, yea me. And I do love her for letting me pick the style, she just picked the color....which isn't bad either, candy apple red which looks pretty good on me. My favorite part of the day was picking out shoes! I love shoes, I have a shoe fetish. I must own at least 30 pairs, plus one more now! And they are not those dyed to match your dress shoes, so I can wear them with other stuff. :) Anyway, if we get good pics I may post some, just depends on how I look, lol. We shall see!

Mad Season

2006-05-24T10:50:00.000-05:00

I know it's been more than a few days since I posted anything. I've had a lot going on and today the only thing I can think of to write is some stuff from one of my favorite singers/bands because after what happened last week this is how I feel.

It's amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all
It's unnerving
how just one move puts me by myself
there you go trusting someone else
now I know I put us both through hell
I'm not saying
there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not saying
we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me
But if that's how it's gonna leave
straight out from underneath
then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out
It's aggravating
how you threw me on
and you tore me out
how your good intentions turn to doubt
the way you needed time to sort it out
Tell me is that how it's going to end
when you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can't take back
Now every fool in town would've left by now
I can't replace all the wasted days
The memory of your face - can't help thinkin'
Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me

i feel stupid - but i know it won't last for long
i've been guessing - i coulda been guessin' wrong
you don't know me now
i kinda thought that you should somehow

And instead of wishing that it would get better
man you're seeing that you just get angrier
And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over,
I'm not angry, anymore

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another
hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry.
Don't think I can take another talk about it

I know it sounds sad but trust me when I tell you this is theraputic and I can't think of another way to explain how I feel. I only hope that he will read this and undertand that the ride has come to a stop and I'm getting off the roller coaster. This is the end!

Things you may or may not know!

2006-05-11T17:51:00.000-05:00

I AM: Sweet T!
I WILL ALWAYS: Smile.
I MISS: My best friend, Gregory.
I SMELL: The roses and they are beautiful.
I CRAVE: Chinese once a month, yeah at that time of the month.
I WORRY: About my friends and family, especially my kids.
I REGRET: When I think about the 'What If's', whatever happened cannot be changed.
I LOVE: Him, and I guess I always will.
I DANCE: Only on the inside now, unfortunately.
I SING: Along with all the songs I like or try to when I don't know the words.
I CANT STAND: Stupid people, especially the ones that think they have common sense.
I LOST: My virginity, but I'm not saying when.
I LIKE: To read.
I LISTEN: To Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty as often as I can.
I CAN BE FOUND: At home 90% of the time.
I NEED: Something too personal to post on this blog, lol.
I KNOW THAT: When I die, I'm going to heaven. How about you?
I HOPE: That my children will someday become responsible, successful adults that still know how to have fun!
I WANT: To take a nice, long vacation.
I AM ALWAYS: Doing things I know I shouldn't do.
I CRY: More than anyone knows.
I FEEL: Tired.
I WILL: Survive.
I WONT: Ever tell my deepest secrets.
I THINK: I'm spoiled rotten.
I SHOULD: Stop being so hard on myself.
I COULD: Fall in love again, if given the chance.
I WOULD: Like to have that chance.
I DIDNT: Listen to my mother as much as I should have.
I LOOK: For the good in everyone.
I HEAR: Voices and they don't like you.
I HURT: Myself with the stupid choices I usually make.
I HATE: It when I can't remember the important things in life.
I FEAR: Heights and closed in places.
I DONT: Spend enough time with my friends.
I FEEL: Like I am finally in control of my life.
I CARE: Way too much about what others think.
I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO: Save money, I have 20 cents in my savings account. I guess that's not going well.
I WRITE: To get things out of my head, so they don't drive me crazy.
I PLAY: Well with others, depending on who they are.
I LEARN: Things from my children everyday.
I WILL BE: Happy with everything one of these days.
I SAY: Things without thinking first.
I DONT THINK: I'm as good as I could be.
I LOVE TO: Have my hair washed.
I ALWAYS: Have my cell phone turned on, if I don't answer it I've left it laying around somewhere.
I HAVE: Faith and
I BELIEVE: In faeries.
I AM: Better than I think I am BUT
I NEVER: Want to think I am better than anyone else.
I WISH: The best for all the ones I love.

Thanks for reading.

BTW, I'm tagging you sis. You can tag the others. :)