Whew! It's all good.

If you've read my profile you know I have two kids, a ten year old daughter, Danyelle and a 4 1/2 month old Boy, JC. I had problems with both pregnancies and they were both premature. I won't go into too much detail right now, if you want to read a little history there is some detail on my Yahoo 360 website blog. Anyway, Danyelle didn't have a lot of physical problems but little JC has had both their shares. Today he had an appointment with the ENT for a hearing test, yeah you read that right a hearing test. Ummm, how in the world do you give a 4 1/2 month old baby who can't even speak a hearing test. Well technology has come a long way and apparently they can stick a sensor in my baby's ear and send sound waves in there and they bounce back a certain way to this handheld computer if he can hear. Pretty neat huh? Yeah, except that he failed both ears twice in the hospital then he failed his right ear in the doctor's office about three weeks ago. Today, after fighting sleep (the test works better when they sleep) for about 20 minutes, he passed both ears. So for the time being everything is good. Although we will have to go back in 6 months for another checkup, because of all the oxygen he received in the NICU and a later trip to the PICU he is still at risk to lose his hearing. I love them both and wouldn't trade them for the world but I am so tired of hospitals and doctors I could scream. So for anyone reading a few good thoughts and prayers would be very welcome. Thanks.

Bridesmaid!?!?!

I did something today for my best friend that I hope I don't have to repeat for a very long time. Not just for her but for anyone. She's getting married in July and today we tried on dresses and more dresses and then some more dresses. I love to shop just as much as the next girl but bridesmaid dresses were not made with a plus size woman in mind. Everyone that I tried on was strapless, spaghetti straps or halter top. Luckily the one I picked has a shawl, yea me. And I do love her for letting me pick the style, she just picked the color....which isn't bad either, candy apple red which looks pretty good on me. My favorite part of the day was picking out shoes! I love shoes, I have a shoe fetish. I must own at least 30 pairs, plus one more now! And they are not those dyed to match your dress shoes, so I can wear them with other stuff. :) Anyway, if we get good pics I may post some, just depends on how I look, lol. We shall see!

Mad Season

I know it's been more than a few days since I posted anything. I've had a lot going on and today the only thing I can think of to write is some stuff from one of my favorite singers/bands because after what happened last week this is how I feel.

It's amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all
It's unnerving
how just one move puts me by myself
there you go trusting someone else
now I know I put us both through hell
I'm not saying
there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not saying
we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me
But if that's how it's gonna leave
straight out from underneath
then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out
It's aggravating
how you threw me on
and you tore me out
how your good intentions turn to doubt
the way you needed time to sort it out
Tell me is that how it's going to end
when you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can't take back
Now every fool in town would've left by now
I can't replace all the wasted days
The memory of your face - can't help thinkin'
Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me

i feel stupid - but i know it won't last for long
i've been guessing - i coulda been guessin' wrong
you don't know me now
i kinda thought that you should somehow

And instead of wishing that it would get better
man you're seeing that you just get angrier
And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over,
I'm not angry, anymore

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another
hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry.
Don't think I can take another talk about it


I know it sounds sad but trust me when I tell you this is theraputic and I can't think of another way to explain how I feel. I only hope that he will read this and undertand that the ride has come to a stop and I'm getting off the roller coaster. This is the end!

Things you may or may not know!

I AM: Sweet T!
I WILL ALWAYS: Smile.
I MISS: My best friend, Gregory.
I SMELL: The roses and they are beautiful.
I CRAVE: Chinese once a month, yeah at that time of the month.
I WORRY: About my friends and family, especially my kids.
I REGRET: When I think about the 'What If's', whatever happened cannot be changed.
I LOVE: Him, and I guess I always will.
I DANCE: Only on the inside now, unfortunately.
I SING: Along with all the songs I like or try to when I don't know the words.
I CANT STAND: Stupid people, especially the ones that think they have common sense.
I LOST: My virginity, but I'm not saying when.
I LIKE: To read.
I LISTEN: To Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty as often as I can.
I CAN BE FOUND: At home 90% of the time.
I NEED: Something too personal to post on this blog, lol.
I KNOW THAT: When I die, I'm going to heaven. How about you?
I HOPE: That my children will someday become responsible, successful adults that still know how to have fun!
I WANT: To take a nice, long vacation.
I AM ALWAYS: Doing things I know I shouldn't do.
I CRY: More than anyone knows.
I FEEL: Tired.
I WILL: Survive.
I WONT: Ever tell my deepest secrets.
I THINK: I'm spoiled rotten.
I SHOULD: Stop being so hard on myself.
I COULD: Fall in love again, if given the chance.
I WOULD: Like to have that chance.
I DIDNT: Listen to my mother as much as I should have.
I LOOK: For the good in everyone.
I HEAR: Voices and they don't like you.
I HURT: Myself with the stupid choices I usually make.
I HATE: It when I can't remember the important things in life.
I FEAR: Heights and closed in places.
I DONT: Spend enough time with my friends.
I FEEL: Like I am finally in control of my life.
I CARE: Way too much about what others think.
I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO: Save money, I have 20 cents in my savings account. I guess that's not going well.
I WRITE: To get things out of my head, so they don't drive me crazy.
I PLAY: Well with others, depending on who they are.
I LEARN: Things from my children everyday.
I WILL BE: Happy with everything one of these days.
I SAY: Things without thinking first.
I DONT THINK: I'm as good as I could be.
I LOVE TO: Have my hair washed.
I ALWAYS: Have my cell phone turned on, if I don't answer it I've left it laying around somewhere.
I HAVE: Faith and
I BELIEVE: In faeries.
I AM: Better than I think I am BUT
I NEVER: Want to think I am better than anyone else.
I WISH: The best for all the ones I love.

Thanks for reading.

BTW, I'm tagging you sis. You can tag the others. :)