Favorite Christmas Memory

Ok, I've been challenged by my sister who was challenged by a friend to post my favorite Christmas memory. I'm actually posting two, the first one was my daughter's first Christmas posted on her website, actually the website my sister made for her. This memory will actually be from when I was little. I'm sure after this Christmas, my son's first, I will have another favorite memory. :-)

When I was little, my brother and my two cousins and I spent every summer with my grandma and grandpa. Summer??? I thought this was a Christmas memory? Hang with me, I'm getting there. Anyway, every summer we spent out there and occasionally we would go back out to their house in the country for Christmas. A real old fashioned Christmas, with a great big spread on the table, stockings that were actually hung by the chimney with care, always filled with candy, fruit and nuts. A great big beautiful "real" tree that my grandpa had cut down and brought home, decorated with all of our homemade ornaments and popcorn on a string and candy canes and grandma's golden star that always sat on top. We took turns getting to put it on top of the tree, my grandpa would pick us up high enough to gently put it in its place. Then we would sit around the tree and grandma would tell us the story of baby Jesus and the nativity. Then she would unpack the nativity set that she crocheted and we would all take a part of it and set it up on a small table next to the tree. My very favorite Christmas was when the whole family got together at grandma's, this wasn't always possible for some reason or another, my aunt was an LPN which meant she usually had to work, my dad was a truck driver and also had to work or was stuck out on the road. Other family members were the same, usually having to work or couldn't get out of town. But that one Christmas, mom, dad, my uncle, my aunt, my cousins, my grandma and grandpa and I'm sure there were more there all to celebrate Christmas together. After the nativity was put out, we would turn on the TV and watch Santa's trek across the country. Sometimes we would even get to bundle up and go outside before midnight and see if we could spot Rudolph's red nose. Always before midnight though we would have to be in bed a fast asleep or Santa wouldn't stop at grandma's house. Christmas morning always brought the most wonderful smells, those smells that only come around once a year. Gingerbread, peppermint, hot chocolate, ham or roast deer, dressing, cakes and cookies all rolled together. Remembering those times is bittersweet to me now, both of my grandparents, my aunt and uncle have passed on from this life on earth. Now I try to have as many family members as possible come over and celebrate my favorite holiday of the year so we can make new memories. Merry Christmas everyone, I hope yours will be as filled with love and family and friends as mine most definitely will be.

Roller Coaster........of Love?

Tomorrow is my anniversary. I will have been married to him for nine years and in love with him for much longer than that. However this is not the happy occasion it should be. As I write this he is living in another state with another woman. So why are we still married you ask? Very good question and I don't have the answer. My situation did however get my creative juices flowing, to the delight of my sister and I cranked out another poem. Short and to the point.

numbers

nine years ago
our hearts intertwined
twenty witnesses
our perfect day
two vows
our life together
one broken heart
our separate ways we've gone

Part of me hopes he reads this and part of me hopes he doesn't. For the last nine months I have been on a roller coaster relationship ride from hell. As much as I want the ride to stop and get off, I now know that part of me will always be on it, no matter how hard I try to forget. There have been things said and things done that really bother me, which leads me to believe that I still care even though I deny it. And I'm afraid there is a small part of me that still loves and always will.

Birthday!

Ok, I recently had another birthday. 34th for those of you counting. :P
I tried to pass this day off as any other day. KEEP MOVING PEOPLE, nothing to see here, nothing to see. Unfortunately I have friends and family with other ideas. I got a bouquet of flowers and a cake from a very good friend of mine, a card and $60 from my father and my mom and dad serenaded me that morning. My sister, who even lives in another state than me, got in on the action. She of course had to trump everyone with her 'present'. I love her and I love what she wrote for me, so please go check it out. Happy Belated Birthday, Tammy! While you are there, you should also read her other stuff...she's talented in a way I only wish I could be. Thank you again, Sis. Much love to you.

2nd Word!

My boy is a genius, genius I tell you. He conquered his first word and is working on his second. Right now it sounds kind of like 'Bampa' which in English I hope will soon translate to Grandpa. My dad is JC's buddy. He has this huge recliner and they sit in it everyday and just chill out. My dad plays his handheld game and JC plays with his toys with an occasional nap thrown in. And just so she doesn't feel left out of anything for his third word we are going to try for sissy. I don't think that one will give him any problem considering everytime he sees her, his little face lights up like a Christmas tree. And when she sings to him, it's like magic. He's hardly ever quiet now, but when she sings to him its like he's in a trance. And everyone was so worried she would resent him. I love my kids, have I mentioned that lately?

My first poem

I was in the shower today and had some thoughts and feelings running around my head and my sister said if she doesn't write those things down they haunt her and drive her crazy. I didn't want that, so I wrote them down and sent them to her for an opinion because not only is she my sister and I value her opinion, she writes poetry among other things and I think she's great at it. Anyway, she liked it and suggested I post it......so here goes and I would appreciate any and all comments, good, bad or indifferent. Thank you.


The Key

I made a key once
a long time ago
one of a kind
unique and special
no other key like it in the world
and there will never be another

I gave this key away
a long time ago
to a person
unique and special
no other person like him in the world
and there will never be another

He took this key away
a long time ago
and tore my soul apart
so I made a new key
and I changed the locks
the key you have
will no longer work
in this, my heart

First Word???

Ok, I'm not sure when your children actually start talking or learn to talk. The so-called experts have their opinions, all of your friends who have children have their opinion and of course your parents have theirs. My son, JC is 8 months old and for a while now has been babbling, most of it consist of babababa, nananana, dadadada, yayayaya, mamamama, papapapa, lalalala and so on. I've been, of course trying to get him to say Momma and my mother was before she went on vacation. She came home on Thursday and the first night they were back we all went over to their house to welcome them home. Sitting around the table, my mom's holding him and still trying to get him to say Momma. At one point everyone at the table was quiet and he said it, Mmmmmoooommmmaaaaaaaaaaa! NOT mamamama, he really and truly said Momma. Everyone heard him, so I do have witnesses, lol. And ever since that night he's said it quite a few times and whenever anyone says Momma or where's Momma to him he looks around for me. How cool is that?

Bathroom Hell(p)

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my kids. Having said that I'm not real sure my beautiful 10 year-old daughter feels the same about me anymore. She comes to me after school and tells me she wants to clean up around the house. I'm thinking great, why not start with your room, maybe a few loads of clothes or take out the trash? She's stopped asking to clean the kitchen, I'm very, VERY anul about my kitchen. The whole house could be a wreck but my kitchen is clean. Anyway back to her "cleaning", she wanted to start in my bathroom because she said it was the worst (as if it could be worse than her room). I honestly do not remember what the hell I was doing at the time because she managed to find something under the kitchen sink that she thought was for cleaning silver. Ok, remember she's ten so anything remotely silver was "cleaned". She even took down my towel bar, cleaned it and left it on the counter. Later when I asked her why she took it down and didn't put it back up, she told me it was because it needed new screws (my first thought was no sweetie, the towel bar doesn't), What's wrong with the old ones? They were dirty, I couldn't get them clean. Dirty? Nevermind, forget I asked. And the stuff she found under the sink to "clean" with, Slick Silicone Lubricant! Now since she has sprayed this on every metal object in the bathroom, it's everywhere, including the floor. I have to mop now because if I don't walk slowly in there I'll end up on my rearend. And please don't let me step on a towel or piece of clothing on the floor or I'm skating! So my towel bar AND the towel are on the counter and my bathroom floor is an ice rink. Thanks sweetie, Momma loves you.

New Car

Hey I bought my 8 month old son a new Jeep yesterday. Tell me what ya'll think?

Really officer I wasn't speeding!

She's a Mrs. now.

Well, my best friend has finally done it. The wedding was beautiful. Of course the few days before were an absolute nightmare. Anything that could have gone wrong did. Everything from not having enough money for some of the extra things she really wanted in the wedding to taking the dresses back to the shop were we bought them to have them steamed only to have them tell us it will take two weeks. Ummmm, two days before the wedding I called and they said it would take ten minutes so we took them in the day before the wedding. Made sense to me, how about you??? It all worked out though, I think I may have actually scared the assistant manager when she told us how long it was going to take. My friend said it looked as though I had bowed up and grew to ten feet tall. I only wanted her to have a wonderful day. Your wedding day should be a most wonderful day for any woman. So anyway, she did have a photographer along with all the kids walking around with disposable cameras. Not sure which ones will turn out better because this was only the second wedding the lady had done. I'll try to pick out some good ones and post them on my Flickr account. So I'll put up another post when I do that. Thanks for reading! :)

I'm sorry doc, did you say ear infection?

First of all, I do know it has been almost a month since I've posted. I was busy with school starting I had to buy uniforms and school supplies for my daughter. Then about 3 weeks ago my right ear started popping and later that day it felt like I had cotton stuck in it and I couldn't hear out of it. The next day the pain started and then my left ear started popping and not hearing. Lovely, especially with two kids and one of them not able to do anything for himself. The pain got worse so I called my brother and asked if he could take me to the emergency room. It had gotten so bad I had trouble walking across the room. The doc takes one look in my ear and says, "Oh my God!". Seriously not something you ever want to hear a doctor say when he has an instrument stuck in any part of your body. So, he steps around me and checks the other ear then he steps back and tells me I have not one but two ear infections. A weeks worth of Penicillin VK and Lortab later and the pain is bearable but the hearing had not come back. This time I go to my regular doctor. My favorite part is when he looks in my ear and says exactly the same thing the ER doc said, "Oh my God". Great, I take it the infection is still there? Yup, here's a better antibiotic and come back in a week. A week later no pain, but still no hearing. Which is absolutely getting on mine and my daughters last nerve. I can't hear her or the baby, so she has to yell in my ear to tell me anything and I have to keep my son near enough to me to know if he's crying. Back to the doctor and he says I have pus built up behind my eardrum, yummy. Here's two better antibiotics and come back in a week, if it's not gone by then we'll send you to the ENT and they'll have to drain it. Oh yeah that sound like fun, where do I sign up? I can hear a little better today but the pain has returned along with a constant ringing. I go back to the doc Thursday and I really don't want to have to go to the ENT. I don't think I've had an ear infection since I was in elementary school, guess I'm just trying to make up for that. :P

Prayer Works

My best friends mother is doing great. She came through the surgery just fine and all her tests came back negative for any more cancer cells. She will of course have to have regular screenings, since it is very possible it could come back. But hopefully everyone will keep her in prayers and it will stay away. Thank you all again.

Bridesmaid Update

Well, I won't be dressing up this month. My best friend that was going to get married has had to postpone her wedding. She just recently found out her mother has ovarian cancer and the doctors want to perform the necessary hysterectomy the day before my friend had originally planned to get married. Life really sucks sometimes. Prayers would be greatly appreciated. As for the wedding it's put off till August 26th. Which is actually very ok with me, I just got my dress in and I would like to get a few alterations before the big day. Thank you everyone for caring.

Six Months

My son turned six months old today. A great big accomplishment for someone that shouldn't even be here. Actually, neither one of my kids should be here...doctors don't always know everything. Somedays I just wonder how God could have trusted me with raising these two beautiful miracles. Well I suppose when I get to Heaven, I'll have to ask him.

Roll over, good boy!

I know that must sound like I'm talking to a dog but I couldn't think of a more appropriate title for this blog. My son, my five and a half month old little boy rolled over from his tummy to his back by himself today. I know some of you might think he's behind but what you may not know unless you've read my Yahoo 360 blog, was that he was born 3 months premature. So technically his adjusted age as the doctors call it, is only 2 1/2 months old. Which means of course that he is right on schedule. It scared my poor baby the first time he did it, so I picked him up and soothed him a bit and then put him back down to see if he could do it again. It took longer this time because at first it seemed like he was scared to move at all but then he started giggling and kicking and soon enough rolled over again and wasn't near as scared the second time. Before he got tired he managed to roll about 6 times. My daughter Danyelle will tell you it was more like 10 but I think she 'helped' him a couple of those times.

You can't go back

I was just reading the latest blog post from one of my favorite authors and realized how absolutely right she is. As much as I wanted to, you can't go back....there's too much pain and hurt, too much time and distance, too many obstacles and things said you can't take back and even if you could go back it wouldn't be the same. Mostly I guess I am mad at myself for wasting these last few months even trying. I sincerely hope and pray that the other two people involved are reading this because you should know that this is me forever and completely ending the relationship or any hope for it.

Princess Ladybug

Most of you that read my blog know that Princess is my sister. I didn't know her my whole life and we didn't grow up together, we never even met until I was in my early teens. Confused? Well technically she's my step-sister but I don't think I've ever used that term when it comes to her. I love her as if we are truly blood related. So, right now it's killing me that I can't be with her when she needs her loved ones the most. You see, she had surgery Thursday and there were complications but she's doing better now. She's still in the hospital which I know is absolutely driving her mad. My mom is there with her which is very comforting to me but I still wish I could be there too. She's been there for me through some very tough times and I only wish I could return the favor. Unfortunately my children limit my money and travel. Those of you with children I'm sure can understand that. So, I guess I'm just venting for now and also hope that those of you reading this will just say a little prayer for my only sister. Thank you.

Kids say the darndest things....

My ten year old daughter never ceases to amaze me. Some days I have to take her with a grain of salt, she has ADHD and can dance on my last nerve with just the right steps until I'm ready to pack all her things and move her in with her Uncle Mike (whom she adores by the way....I swear she thinks he hung the moon and did it just for her, of course). Other times I have to stop and thank God for putting this beautiful miracle in my life and reminding me just how precious she is. Yesterday was Wednesday and for us that means evening services at our church and on Wednesday nights before our preacher brings the message we go over prayer requests. Last night I found out that one of our church members is in the hospital with what they think is a heart attack or stroke. Normally I would just right down this persons name with the rest of the requests and pray for them, usually without a second thought.....and I know that must sound like I really don't care that much but I do, trust me. It's just that some of the people on our list have been on there forever, mostly because we have quite a few elderly members. But this man that now lays in the hospital is about my age AND just happens to be the man that my daughter likes to sit with every Sunday Morning. During all of our services unless we are having a special, the church offers some type of class for the children. So during our prayer request time, Danyelle was in her class and did not find out about her Sunday morning friend until after services, on our way out to eat my mother and I tell her he's in the hospital because something maybe wrong with his heart. Without a second thought and not realizing what it would mean for her, she turns to my mom and says, "Could I give him my heart?"

Whew! It's all good.

If you've read my profile you know I have two kids, a ten year old daughter, Danyelle and a 4 1/2 month old Boy, JC. I had problems with both pregnancies and they were both premature. I won't go into too much detail right now, if you want to read a little history there is some detail on my Yahoo 360 website blog. Anyway, Danyelle didn't have a lot of physical problems but little JC has had both their shares. Today he had an appointment with the ENT for a hearing test, yeah you read that right a hearing test. Ummm, how in the world do you give a 4 1/2 month old baby who can't even speak a hearing test. Well technology has come a long way and apparently they can stick a sensor in my baby's ear and send sound waves in there and they bounce back a certain way to this handheld computer if he can hear. Pretty neat huh? Yeah, except that he failed both ears twice in the hospital then he failed his right ear in the doctor's office about three weeks ago. Today, after fighting sleep (the test works better when they sleep) for about 20 minutes, he passed both ears. So for the time being everything is good. Although we will have to go back in 6 months for another checkup, because of all the oxygen he received in the NICU and a later trip to the PICU he is still at risk to lose his hearing. I love them both and wouldn't trade them for the world but I am so tired of hospitals and doctors I could scream. So for anyone reading a few good thoughts and prayers would be very welcome. Thanks.

Bridesmaid!?!?!

I did something today for my best friend that I hope I don't have to repeat for a very long time. Not just for her but for anyone. She's getting married in July and today we tried on dresses and more dresses and then some more dresses. I love to shop just as much as the next girl but bridesmaid dresses were not made with a plus size woman in mind. Everyone that I tried on was strapless, spaghetti straps or halter top. Luckily the one I picked has a shawl, yea me. And I do love her for letting me pick the style, she just picked the color....which isn't bad either, candy apple red which looks pretty good on me. My favorite part of the day was picking out shoes! I love shoes, I have a shoe fetish. I must own at least 30 pairs, plus one more now! And they are not those dyed to match your dress shoes, so I can wear them with other stuff. :) Anyway, if we get good pics I may post some, just depends on how I look, lol. We shall see!

Mad Season

I know it's been more than a few days since I posted anything. I've had a lot going on and today the only thing I can think of to write is some stuff from one of my favorite singers/bands because after what happened last week this is how I feel.

It's amazing
how you make your face just like a wall
how you take your heart and turn it off
how I turn my head and lose it all
It's unnerving
how just one move puts me by myself
there you go trusting someone else
now I know I put us both through hell
I'm not saying
there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm not saying
we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me
But if that's how it's gonna leave
straight out from underneath
then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out
It's aggravating
how you threw me on
and you tore me out
how your good intentions turn to doubt
the way you needed time to sort it out
Tell me is that how it's going to end
when you know you've been depending on
the one you're leaving now
the one you're leaving out

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can't take back
Now every fool in town would've left by now
I can't replace all the wasted days
The memory of your face - can't help thinkin'
Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me

i feel stupid - but i know it won't last for long
i've been guessing - i coulda been guessin' wrong
you don't know me now
i kinda thought that you should somehow

And instead of wishing that it would get better
man you're seeing that you just get angrier
And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over,
I'm not angry, anymore

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another
hollow smile
It's not enough just to be sorry.
Don't think I can take another talk about it


I know it sounds sad but trust me when I tell you this is theraputic and I can't think of another way to explain how I feel. I only hope that he will read this and undertand that the ride has come to a stop and I'm getting off the roller coaster. This is the end!

Things you may or may not know!

I AM: Sweet T!
I WILL ALWAYS: Smile.
I MISS: My best friend, Gregory.
I SMELL: The roses and they are beautiful.
I CRAVE: Chinese once a month, yeah at that time of the month.
I WORRY: About my friends and family, especially my kids.
I REGRET: When I think about the 'What If's', whatever happened cannot be changed.
I LOVE: Him, and I guess I always will.
I DANCE: Only on the inside now, unfortunately.
I SING: Along with all the songs I like or try to when I don't know the words.
I CANT STAND: Stupid people, especially the ones that think they have common sense.
I LOST: My virginity, but I'm not saying when.
I LIKE: To read.
I LISTEN: To Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty as often as I can.
I CAN BE FOUND: At home 90% of the time.
I NEED: Something too personal to post on this blog, lol.
I KNOW THAT: When I die, I'm going to heaven. How about you?
I HOPE: That my children will someday become responsible, successful adults that still know how to have fun!
I WANT: To take a nice, long vacation.
I AM ALWAYS: Doing things I know I shouldn't do.
I CRY: More than anyone knows.
I FEEL: Tired.
I WILL: Survive.
I WONT: Ever tell my deepest secrets.
I THINK: I'm spoiled rotten.
I SHOULD: Stop being so hard on myself.
I COULD: Fall in love again, if given the chance.
I WOULD: Like to have that chance.
I DIDNT: Listen to my mother as much as I should have.
I LOOK: For the good in everyone.
I HEAR: Voices and they don't like you.
I HURT: Myself with the stupid choices I usually make.
I HATE: It when I can't remember the important things in life.
I FEAR: Heights and closed in places.
I DONT: Spend enough time with my friends.
I FEEL: Like I am finally in control of my life.
I CARE: Way too much about what others think.
I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO: Save money, I have 20 cents in my savings account. I guess that's not going well.
I WRITE: To get things out of my head, so they don't drive me crazy.
I PLAY: Well with others, depending on who they are.
I LEARN: Things from my children everyday.
I WILL BE: Happy with everything one of these days.
I SAY: Things without thinking first.
I DONT THINK: I'm as good as I could be.
I LOVE TO: Have my hair washed.
I ALWAYS: Have my cell phone turned on, if I don't answer it I've left it laying around somewhere.
I HAVE: Faith and
I BELIEVE: In faeries.
I AM: Better than I think I am BUT
I NEVER: Want to think I am better than anyone else.
I WISH: The best for all the ones I love.

Thanks for reading.

BTW, I'm tagging you sis. You can tag the others. :)